9-8-06 True Sexual Satisfaction
No, this is not another workshop charging you fees to discover phony mind-jerk methods of sexual manipulation.
This is the Real Thing. And you may not be ready for it. Every iota of sexual gratification that occurs during the
love act is actually written down in your interior consciousness clearly & unmistakably. I've only known this
definitively for maybe 5 years. It has always been the case. Of that I am certain. The very moment the sperm
begins its descent one can feel the exact tenor of the movement its intensity & its clarity its volume its pure
sensational existence. And one knows exactly where it is coming from and why it owns these very particular
characteristics. Because the mood of the specific sexual encounter is always determined by the sexual attitude of
each partner. Obviously. Yet is it so obvious? I can feel my own intensity in her eyes and face and lips. There
should be a little shock of recognition here. An explosion of the inner senses at the excitement of seeing her.
And she must experience the same gentle but thrilling explosion at her first sight of me! I can measure the exact
depth and the velocity of my charge of desire. I mean I feel it & know it & declare it to myself. ('I'm so excited I
just can't hide it!') Writing this down here seems a miracle. Because this feeling is so exact and so pure a thing.
Every single instance of sexual intercourse is registered precisely in the psyche and we can trace the exact
journey of the flow of the sperm and the egg. I only know of the voyage of my own sperm. I cannot feel her exact
sensations as she gathers me in her arms to receive my semen. Yet each instance is so totally unlike every other
one that I am amazed at that difference now that I've been paying attention to the thrill of sex after years of
lackadaisical thrust and bang & droop & then the sadness & turn away and fall asleep. And there is absolutely
nothing wrong with sadness and turn away & fall asleep. This too is nature. Openness is everything. Without
openness and forthrightness there can be no beautiful satisfying thrilling sexual intercourse. One "I Love You"
flying out of the throat of one lover to the other can set the partner into blazing fires of passion & surpassing
tenderness & receptiveness. Or any other genuine and utterly surprising passionate deep throat utterance can
make a man or a woman come alive inside their own bodies and open up in some totally one in a lifetime way to
the other. Making love is a crazy crazy crazy thing. And God keep it that way. A mediocre encounter is also
good I have noticed. Who wants ecstatic sex every time? Not me. I like a few cloudy days mixed in with all this
brilliant California sunshine & blue skies. I'll tell you a woman can have hot silent eyes and speak casually about
the weather or about movies that have nothing to do with sex. The movie may have a priest in it. In fact has. But
the tone of the woman's eyes rules like an imperious goddess and sends the blood flying to the groin to arouse a
magnificent tumescence-----and vice versa, the woman is opened and enflamed with desire & tenderness. You
may ignore this half your life. I did a lot more than half. It became known to me only when I had to know it. As if
a voice was calling to me from deep inside my veins & tissues and corpuscles. My very cells began to speak to
me and reveal the true power and bliss and the thrill of sex. The kiss the flavor the texture the aromas. This is so
real a thing. In high school I remember those powerful long first deep passionate kisses. What tremendous
potency and yet delicacy they had for me. Such tenderness and at the same time such fire such lust. O, my small
but sensitive hands and fingers found every tender iota of her softest skin. I searched her face, her head, her ears
with my vigilant and hot fingers. I felt my way inside her hair which I loved to do. To feel the miracle of her scalp.
Felt the interior of her ears then her mouth teeth nose. This was a blind passionate sexual investigation suddenly
blitzing into kiss after kiss after kiss and constant hugging and smelling her face her hair her skin. I loved her
shampoo her perfume and the taste of her kiss. You understand. Now I am talking about something else. The
interior experience itself as sperm and egg begin their separate voyages in our separate bodies as we feel
eachother in eachother's arms. One woman can make me grow into a different shape & intensity than any other
woman. It happened only two or three years ago. And it stunned me to feel this sudden actual growth of my root
stem. How did she do that? Did she touch me in some fascinating sexual way? No. This has nothing to do with
mechanics. She was there speaking to me & dressed in such a pleasing manner with her eyes darker and more
surprisingly beautiful than ever before. And she told me once, only once and many years before---"I Love You."
When it didn't even matter to me. But the words caught hold in my memory. And this time her looks caught up
with her words. She looked different. More ready to make love. She looked Romantic. This is only partly selfish.
This narcissism I am here expressing of the body for the body and by the body. This tracing of your body fluids
through the sexual channels as you come into consummation. But who cares what it is. It is so real I cannot
ignore its power. And there are ways to prepare. The best way is to be thoroughly honest with yourself always
inside your own mind before all other things. That's where it begins. That is where true love begins. There is
something pure about telling yourself the whole truth in all its complicatedness. Give yourself that honor and
that utter pleasure. The honor of revealing to yourself and therefore to her the 360 degree View. What a different
animal you will become. A sacred animal. A generous animal. And a whole one. A happier animal. And even a
witty animal. A listener. A man or woman who is given to pauses. Yes. Say yes first on the inside. Let yourself
know. Don't be afraid of any truth. Never flatter a woman (or a man) with half-truthed compliments. You can
speak a quieter purer more complete truth. And sometimes an unspoken one. That is satisfying to myself as well
as her. There is room for silence here. O yes there is. There is always much room for Silence in the bedroom.
