The Steroids Imbroglio
The Steroids Imbroglio
I am in favor of steroids at every possible level of competition in every field of endeavor. Steroids enhance
human achievement. And that's what we are here for. (I do not speak for General Electric or any other phony
outfit profiteering from wars initiated by USA. I speak for The Divine Right of poets). This is America, land
of unlimited opportunity. No exceptions. No child shall be left behind in The Greenfield Administration. I
celebrate the average child---Mr & Missus Average are typical gods or goddesses. Everybody is a god in The
Greenfield Administration. You want your child to hit a home run? Done. I advocate steroid use starting at age
4. And steroids be made available free for all kids in the American ghetto. No, The Greenfield Administration
rejects all police tactics of interrogation and incrimination. These steroids must be made accessible to every
family. Not only so your child can play baseball basketball football track tennis & golf, but also the violin and be
an ace in biology lab and at the Big Game of Romance. Steroids will soon give every high school student in
America a date for The Prom. Thanks to The Greenfield Administration. Hey, wake up. This is America where it all happened first. Anything is worth trying once said a great man. Was it Voltaire who said once a
philosopher, twice a whore? Not so fast there Volt. Twice may mean Genius. May. Depends on other
extenuating factors. For one thing I'm sick of hearing about I can't. ("My son is so near-sighted he can't see
the baseball when it comes over the plate.") No problem, Madame, we have special baseball-enlarging pills that
cure this problem immediately & effectively. Sleep well tonight. Your child is about to hit his or her first home
run. Guaranteed.
What I want to hear is We shall. In the Greenfield household there is no "babying" of the kids. My son comes
home from Little League several weeks ago and says "hey, dad, I went 3 for 4 today---a double a triple & a
homer." How disgusting. I teach my boy to slam a homer every time he steps up to the plate. And if he does not
produce, no supper. Back to the diamond behind our house with the flood lights on facing the electronic 100 mile an hour automatic pitching machine. Did that help? Not much. It gave me a certain amount of satisfaction for
doing my job faithfully. But the kid still only hit 2 homers and 2 triples for every 4 at-bats his next few games.
Practice isn't worth a damn without steroids. The night we started popping steroids into his koolade everything
changed. Not only did he start smashing home runs every time to the plate. He started getting interested in girls!
For a while there the wife and I were worried he might end up another Liberace stroking piano keys. Steroids
protected us from that nightmare. We do not tolerate disease. And therefore we do not spread it. I advocate for
starters 100 billion dollars/year Federal Funding for steroid use & development. Our goal is nothing less than
universal steroid availability world-wide. No more weapons to foreign countries. Give them all the steroids they
can eat. We want World Democracy.
Our goal is certainly not higher wages for ball players. Players and owners need less money. We do want our
first 100 homer/year man (or woman) next year. And, like I say, eventually we will find a dude who hits it out of
the ball park every time he/she gets a hold of a baseball bat. Our goal is perfection. This is America. Land of the
buffalo and cheap white bread with nary a nutrient in it. If we can put out a perfect loaf of white bread with not
one iota of protein in it we can do the same with a baseball player or a drummer or violinist or, come to think of it, a housewife, a president, a banker. You name it. Our goal is perfection. Yes. This is the country that gives you a whole police force that lives off free coffee and donuts. Have you ever heard an American citizen bellyaching
about children being legal coffee drinkers? I haven't. A 6-year-old can bring coffee in his thermos to any
elementary school in the USA. And this is as it should be. Freedom for each to pursue his own life or death---so
long as he/she isn't killing anybody else. Suicide has always been a divine right of kings. And in a democracy it
should hold for the entire collection of atoms. One final point. In the USA anybody can become President and
has. A moron can be President (I.Q. between 50 & 75). An Imbecile can be elected President ( 25 to 50). An Idiot can be voted The President of the USA (between 0 and 25). This is exactly as it should be. This is a democracy, small d. Home of The Divine Average. God bless that woman or man or child who leads us out of our chains with a tender I.Q. but with a dresser full of the best steroids money can buy.
RLG copyright 2006
I am in favor of steroids at every possible level of competition in every field of endeavor. Steroids enhance
human achievement. And that's what we are here for. (I do not speak for General Electric or any other phony
outfit profiteering from wars initiated by USA. I speak for The Divine Right of poets). This is America, land
of unlimited opportunity. No exceptions. No child shall be left behind in The Greenfield Administration. I
celebrate the average child---Mr & Missus Average are typical gods or goddesses. Everybody is a god in The
Greenfield Administration. You want your child to hit a home run? Done. I advocate steroid use starting at age
4. And steroids be made available free for all kids in the American ghetto. No, The Greenfield Administration
rejects all police tactics of interrogation and incrimination. These steroids must be made accessible to every
family. Not only so your child can play baseball basketball football track tennis & golf, but also the violin and be
an ace in biology lab and at the Big Game of Romance. Steroids will soon give every high school student in
America a date for The Prom. Thanks to The Greenfield Administration. Hey, wake up. This is America where it all happened first. Anything is worth trying once said a great man. Was it Voltaire who said once a
philosopher, twice a whore? Not so fast there Volt. Twice may mean Genius. May. Depends on other
extenuating factors. For one thing I'm sick of hearing about I can't. ("My son is so near-sighted he can't see
the baseball when it comes over the plate.") No problem, Madame, we have special baseball-enlarging pills that
cure this problem immediately & effectively. Sleep well tonight. Your child is about to hit his or her first home
run. Guaranteed.
What I want to hear is We shall. In the Greenfield household there is no "babying" of the kids. My son comes
home from Little League several weeks ago and says "hey, dad, I went 3 for 4 today---a double a triple & a
homer." How disgusting. I teach my boy to slam a homer every time he steps up to the plate. And if he does not
produce, no supper. Back to the diamond behind our house with the flood lights on facing the electronic 100 mile an hour automatic pitching machine. Did that help? Not much. It gave me a certain amount of satisfaction for
doing my job faithfully. But the kid still only hit 2 homers and 2 triples for every 4 at-bats his next few games.
Practice isn't worth a damn without steroids. The night we started popping steroids into his koolade everything
changed. Not only did he start smashing home runs every time to the plate. He started getting interested in girls!
For a while there the wife and I were worried he might end up another Liberace stroking piano keys. Steroids
protected us from that nightmare. We do not tolerate disease. And therefore we do not spread it. I advocate for
starters 100 billion dollars/year Federal Funding for steroid use & development. Our goal is nothing less than
universal steroid availability world-wide. No more weapons to foreign countries. Give them all the steroids they
can eat. We want World Democracy.
Our goal is certainly not higher wages for ball players. Players and owners need less money. We do want our
first 100 homer/year man (or woman) next year. And, like I say, eventually we will find a dude who hits it out of
the ball park every time he/she gets a hold of a baseball bat. Our goal is perfection. This is America. Land of the
buffalo and cheap white bread with nary a nutrient in it. If we can put out a perfect loaf of white bread with not
one iota of protein in it we can do the same with a baseball player or a drummer or violinist or, come to think of it, a housewife, a president, a banker. You name it. Our goal is perfection. Yes. This is the country that gives you a whole police force that lives off free coffee and donuts. Have you ever heard an American citizen bellyaching
about children being legal coffee drinkers? I haven't. A 6-year-old can bring coffee in his thermos to any
elementary school in the USA. And this is as it should be. Freedom for each to pursue his own life or death---so
long as he/she isn't killing anybody else. Suicide has always been a divine right of kings. And in a democracy it
should hold for the entire collection of atoms. One final point. In the USA anybody can become President and
has. A moron can be President (I.Q. between 50 & 75). An Imbecile can be elected President ( 25 to 50). An Idiot can be voted The President of the USA (between 0 and 25). This is exactly as it should be. This is a democracy, small d. Home of The Divine Average. God bless that woman or man or child who leads us out of our chains with a tender I.Q. but with a dresser full of the best steroids money can buy.
RLG copyright 2006
posted by rlg at 11:15 AM
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